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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?